One sunny day in the Summer, I went to a Beach resort with my co-workers, for a 3-day Retreat. We were just having fun while trying to prepare ourselves for the Lenten Season, when I saw a child. The child looks like she’s enjoying the company of her own little brothers. They were playing together, singing together, pissing each other, run around together…a typical school-aged girl.
She’s of small-built body, with a long shiny black hair, having a brown skin complexion (a typical Asian – girl complexion), and she was wearing a knee-length, stripe skirt paired with a white blouse and a red “doll shoes”. Her hair was tied at the right side of her head with a red ribbon.
I was observing her when from a distance, I heard a voice, coming from an adult woman. Is this her mother? My question was finally answered when the girl shouted “I’m coming Momma! Yes! I am starved! I’m just so excited to see what you have prepared for us!” And then, off she went, and her brothers followed her. I just couldn’t take my eyes off her, and so my vision followed her until I saw her hug her dad.
What a wonderful family!
I went back to join my friends, we were drained after the day’s activity and decided to have fun with the videoke and x-box prepared by our host for us. It was physically- exhausting but we were happy and entertained. That night, I EXPERIENCED BEING A CHILD, AGAIN!
The following day, I met that same girl again, but this time, I saw her crying. She was so depressed, down-hearted and obviously lonely. Just the complete opposite of the happy child I saw the other day. She was alone, trying to dry her tears, so lonely. I tried to come near and talk to her.
I asked her why she was crying. Without a word, her tears fell down her cheeks once again. I tried to calm her down and offered my handkerchief. It was then, that she said, it was their last day with their mom. Her mom was scheduled to work to a foreign country. She said her mom was just so insistent and would not even listen to them, not even to her younger brothers, not even to her father, and not even to…HER!
Such a poor child. I felt for her. I felt her heartaches. I can’t seem to understand why my tears fell at the sight of that child. Being a school-aged child, she still needed a mother’s care, a mother to comb her hair, to hug her, to coach her on what to do about some “girl-things” because there are some things that only a mother can provide. I should know.
I should know… because I was that little girl so many years back. Now, I understand why I still felt so empty. Now I understand, why in spite of the many chances I had in the past to work in foreign countries and to be able to receive a much higher pay, I still chose to stay with my family, I still chose to cook for them, to be with my two kids every milestone of their lives, just to be a mum for them, the kind of mum I didn’t enjoy much when I was a kid. Because No amount of money, No material things, and No greater promises, could ever replace the mere presence of a mother in the lives of her children.
Because of this experience, I was able to meet my inner child, the child who was trying to hide for a long time inside me. Now, I concluded that through the years I just tried to suppress every painful memories of my past and tried to cover it with the happy memories of my present with my family. But there will never be a chance to hide it inside me forever, because the child and myself is inseparable. I have decided to move on and not be stuck in my past, because the future is just… shining brightly for me!