Married life is always a work-in progress. Married people always made it a point to be on top of everything. But trying to make everything smooth, still there are little misunderstandings between husbands and wives. I guess it’s a normal occurrence in a “live” families, lest we forget our kids, who might be the ones who gets affected by the little mishaps in our so- called “married life”. The following could be their questions:
1. Mom, are you tired? Being a working-hands-on-mom, I also get tired, cramp and worn-out at the end of the day, and all i imagined is my comfy bed with a nice- to-listen-to-romantic-love songs from my music angel and a soothing back massage, probably from my-not-overly-tired-husband and have the sweetest hug from my not-so-magugulo-makukulits-kids——–but , ooooppppsssss, everything is just a product of my wishful thinking. These things are just not in my real world. I said I am a working-hands-on-mom, therefore, more often than not, things are just the opposite of those things I’ve wished for. Moms thought things are just within its tolerable level when things are delegated to their-equally-tired-working-husbands, but everything seems to just not fall into the right places. That’s when mom and dad (being the only burn-out adults in the family) starts to fight, yell at each other, not seeing eye-to eye, plays the role of a “dumb and the dumber”, and the likes. kids starts to interpret things they see. My 9 year old daughter, Ella Sofia, then starts to ask, “Mom, are you tired?” Puzzled of what was really happening to her mom and dad, or probably trying to figure-out and assessing if mom is really mad at her dad or is just AWFULLY TIRED!.
2. Do you love me? When things gets bumpy and you start treading the not-so-smooth road between you and your partner, your daughter might show her obviously-worried-face and starts to ask, “Mom, do you love me?” Kids starts to worry when their mom and dad fights, and thought their parents might be irrationally narcissistic, to just think of themselves, what makes them happy, and probably totally forgets about them. They could become worried and starts to doubt the love of their parents for them. Kids love the thought of having a happy family, tolerant of each other’s mistakes, and they usually perceived their parents to be somebody who is able to give them undying love and unending attention — if they see them happy, smiling and not fighting at each other like warriors they see on television or plants vs. zombie on the internet. But when their parents fight, that’s when they start to ask “Do you love me?”
3. Are you gonna leave us? Kids are exposed to television and to the kind of films that shows parents go their separate ways after having verbal exchange of harsh words, or the worst thing, having some physical fights. You can just imagine children seeing their parents fight, at times they cry, hug their siblings, or curl themselves on bed while listening to their fighting parents. Things like these are sometimes traumatic to our children, leaving scars on their delicate hearts and minds, and starts to entertain ideas such as their dad leaving their mom, or vice versa, as what they see on television. Questions like these from the kids could be a sign of insecurity, and may have an adverse effect on their emotional development.
4. Can I do something? Kids stop crying if they get what they want like getting their favorite ice cream, or being allowed to finally have an access to internet games. That could be another possible and easy way to ease their pain or have them follow your instructions or directions. To some extent, we call that bribery, but kids sometimes thought that way. They try to be a good boy or good girl, try to please their “pissed- off mom or angry dad” by doing something, keeping their room tidy, doing their assignments, wash the dishes or just simply feeding the dog: things which are not usually done by them during normal days, but just to “bribe” their parents, they suddenly become parent-friendly kids —i’ll- d-o everything just -to make- you- happy dramas.
5. Do you hate dad? This is a question that could have an effect to the emotions of the child. The child may or may not emulate their dad, love or hate their dad and vice versa. Younger kids , more often than not, are closer to their mums, especially if their mums are hands-on mom who could become their best-buddy. Chances are, when they see their mums crying or they see her being hurt emotionally, physically (the worst), they too feel the pain. If their mum says she hates their dad, chances are, they will also choose to feel the same way.
In general, whatever the child say it is, or whatever their questions are, no matter how annoying they become, as parents, we are still responsible for whatever words that comes out of our mouths, therefore, statements should be carefully studied and filtered, and try our best to say only good things about our partners , even at the height of our anger. Words that we will leave behind could be the same words that could make or break our kids in the future.